Great Golf Books

1. How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

2. How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist Off The Tee

3. How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

4. How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

5. When to Give the Ranger the Bird(ie)

7. Crying and How to Handle it

8. Proper Excuses for Drinking Beers Before 10 AM

9. How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

10. How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

11. Why Your Wife Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th

12. How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome Without

Getting Embarrassed

13. How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

14. When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

I understand that they are working on the sequel "When to Re-Grip Your Ball"

Did you ever notice that ... 

... It's easier to get up at 6:00 to golf than at 10:00 to mow?

... IT TAKES LONGER to learn good golf than it does to perform brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

... THAT rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.

... GOLF BALLS ARE LIKE EGGS. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And a week later you have to buy more.

One Golf Ball

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.

"I found it."

More Golf Quotes

“Ninety percent of putts that are short, don't go in.” ~ Yogi Berra

“There are two things that require keeping your head down: golf and praying.” ~ Unknown

IF YOUR opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Uniquely Golf

Golf is the only major professional sport …

… where the scores are kept by fellow competitors, not officials.

… where players penalize themselves.

… where aging players have their own “senior” league, in which they can still compete and make millions.

… where more than one ball is being played at the same time.

… where each player has a servant to carry their equipment.

… that cannot be played indoors (or in a stadium).

… where a 14-yr-old girl can play alongside a 54-yr-old man in an official competition (Michelle Wie, Tom Kite, 2004 Sony Open).

… that is sometimes played in the woods.

… where a fan can be ejected for taking a photo.

… that has been interrupted by an alligator.

… that has a pro-am format, allowing fans to play alongside pros.

… where a player can play an entire season and make no money at all.

… where the lowest score wins.

… whose rule book includes the word “dung”.

… where an equal playing field is not guaranteed. One player can play in sunshine with no wind, another in a howling rainstorm.

… that has no regulation-size playing field.

… that has a predetermined score (par) against which all players are measured.

… where fans are allowed on the playing field.

… where a fan watching the play at home can call and get a player disqualified.

… that has been played on the moon.

Golf Defined

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

"I wish I could play my normal game .... just once."

Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls.

If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.

The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul-it-again."

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt", you might want to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where your most feared opponent is you.

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St. Mark's Spring Golf Outing 2009 - Golf Quotes

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot  while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

Columbus went around the world in 1492.  That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes".

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lies.

It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, 19th-century minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved thru ritual and self-mortification.

Bumper Sticker - "I'd Rather Be Driving A Golf Ball."

It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.

Golf - A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.

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Golf Tidbits - Saint Mark’s Spring Golf Outing 2012

On the 18th hole, in the second round of the 1961 Los Angeles Open, Arnold Palmer’s game feel apart. He was asked how he could have shot a 12. “I missed my putt for an 11.”

Scott Palmer made a hole-in-one in four consecutive rounds from October 9-12, 1983, at Balboa Park, San Diego.

Two things in professional golf that even you could probably do without embarrassing yourself : 1. Sink a two-foot putt (with no break) and 2. make the proper club selection.

Tommy Armour, who had just shot – or so everyone thought – a 22 on one hole in the 1923 Shawnee Open, claimed that it was a 23.

Something you’ll rarely, if ever, see : A professional golfer missing a tournament because of a groin injury.

The only New York City ticker tape parade ever given for a golfer honored Bobby Jones on his return from England after winning the 1930 British Open.

Jack Nicklaus played for Upper Arlington High School, whose nickname is the Golden Bears.

Going out on top : Although he was just 28 years old, Bobby Jones retired after winning the Grand Slam in 1930.

Seve Ballesteros was disqualified from the 1980 US Open for being late for his starting tee time in the second round.

The first lunar athlete, Alan Shepard, Jr., on February 6, 1971, as Apollo 14 commander, hit a six-iron shot on the moon.

Home Field Advantage : Amateur Francis Ouimet, 20, stunned the golf world by beating Harry Vardon and Ted Ray in an 18-hole playoff to win the 1913 US Open at the Brookline Country Club in Massachusetts.  Ouimet grew up across the street from the club.

http://stmarksgolfoutings.tripod.com 

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THE END (for now) ...