Summaries for Saint Mark’s Web Site,
Bulletin and Tidings
"I ONCE WAS LOST, BUT NOW AM FOUND"
On the morning of Tuesday, April 19, twenty
hearty souls braved the elements (clear skies, high 60’s) to enjoy Saint Mark’s first-ever golf outing. There
seemed to be as many laughs as there were balls lost (and found) out on the course. Don Anctil’s foursome took the prize
for best team score and the Downing - Dupuis cooperative earned second place team honors. Michael Carpenito, Justin Downing
and Jason Dupuis won the closest-to-the-pin contests. Fr. Jim Craig contributed with the "Outstanding Shot of the Day" - You
should ask him about it!
Before the round, the players received
commemorative golf balls stamped with the words "I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW AM FOUND". The post-golf festivities included a great
meal, a funny golf book drawing and other awards. I trust that everyone enjoyed the day and we hope to do this again in the
Tony Carpenito - 21 April 2005
"LOST AND FOUND ... AGAIN!"
Believe it or not, we did it again!
On the morning of Tuesday, August 9, sixteen faithful souls ventured out into the wilderness to seek the meaning of the little
white ball and to enjoy Saint Mark’s second golf outing of the year.
Once again, there were as many
laughs as there were balls lost (and found) out on the course. Mike and Rich Hume’s group took the prize for best team
score and the Anctil – Carpenito collective also came through under par to earn second place team honors. Rich Hume,
Justin Downing and Fr. Jim Craig were among the closest-to-the-pin contest winners. Mike Carpenito contributed the "Outstanding
Shot of the Day", making a curling 25-foot putt from the rough!
Before the round, the players again
received commemorative golf balls stamped with the words "I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW AM FOUND". The post-golf festivities included
a great meal, a funny golf book drawing and other awards, including the "best-dressed" golfer (great shirt Mike Hume!). Everyone
seemed to have a great time and we hope to do this again next year.
Tony Carpenito - 28 August 2005
"LET THERE BE FLIGHT!"
On the morning of Tuesday, April
18, sixteen faithful souls ventured forth into the wilderness to enjoy Saint Mark’s third golf outing in the past twelve
months. Once again, the early Spring weather cooperated and a good time was had by one and all before, during and after the
actual round of golf … and this time we just might have the photos to prove it!
As for the golf, the top three
teams finished within one stroke of each other. Tony Carpenito’s foursome finished with the best team score while Mike
and Rich Hume’s group took second place in a tie-break over the team of Don Anctil, Terry Downing, Cory and Jason Dupuis.
Carpenito earned one of the closest-to-the-pin awards. The wind was definitely a factor as two of the four contested par-3
greens rejected all 16 attempted tee shots! Woody Martin contributed the "Outstanding Shot of the Day", driving his tee shot
all the way to the green at the base of the long downhill par-4 9th hole. Mr. Downing added an outstanding chip-in at the
Before the round, the players received
commemorative golf balls stamped with the words "LET THERE BE FLIGHT". The post-golf festivities included a great meal, a
funny golf book drawing and other awards, including "most lost balls found" (by Tom Thelin), "biggest divot" (courtesy of
Terry D.) and the "best-dressed" golfer (looking good as always, Fr. Jim!). And if there was an award for "happiest golfer",
it would have gone to Roland L’Homme, a man who was obviously enjoying his day at the course. Based on the players’
overall reaction to the day, no one should be surprised if we go out and do it all again sometime later this year.
Tony Carpenito - 21 April 2006
"No Frills, Some Thrills, and a
Lot of Hills"
On the third day of the tenth month, there stirred an octet of parishioners. Vaguely resembling accomplished
linksters, we ventured toward the western horizon to enjoy Saint Mark’s fourth golf outing in the past eighteen months.
As the sun rose behind us, we settled upon a parcel of challenging terrain in the hills of Winchendon. Yet again, Mother Nature
cooperated more than we expected or deserved, as this day registered a "10 out of 10" on the golf weather index. We took full
advantage of this auspicious climatic oasis, a combination of unseasonably mild temperatures, bright sunshine, and trees exploding
with autumn color.
As a group, we displayed the usual spectrum of golf prowess. While some of us mistook their clubs
for excavating equipment, others muttered in dismay of their ever changing and varied fortunes. Several were calmly resigned
to scavenging the surrounding woods and leaf-covered fairways in search of stray spheres.
Acknowledging our collective level of dubious expertise, we designed a system of rewarding mediocrity
as well as excellence. Not only would fine achievements, such as landing a par-three tee shot onto a green in close proximity
to the hole, be cause for celebration and the receipt of financial remuneration. Questionable results, such as launching a
large number of golf balls into sand traps and water hazards or otherwise losing balls into the nothingness of a parallel
dimension, would receive equal acclaim.
Before the first tree was struck, golfers were issued sleeves of commemorative golf balls stamped
with the words "LET THERE BE FLIGHT" (actually leftovers from an earlier outing). Many reports of success and tales of woe
were spun throughout the day. The first group of Fr. Jim Craig, Rollie Gagne, Roland L’Homme and Woody Martin blazed
the trail while Don Anctil, Tony Carpenito, Terry Downing and Cory Dupuis tried to avoid hitting into them. Generally what
happens on the course stays on the course, but here’s what we can write about ...
Terry was the only golfer to actually have a tee shot land and stay on a par-three green the entire
day … on the last try of the day! That’s right, only one of forty attempted par-three tee shots stayed on a green
(we’re not that bad - those greens were tough)! Roland registered an "eagle" on the sixth hole! Terry and Roland also
won the sand trap prizes. Don and Roland won the water hazard prizes on tie-breaks. Fr. Jim and Don earned the lost ball prizes
outright! Just three strokes separated the entire group using the Callaway handicap system, as Tony and Fr. Jim took the low
and high net prizes, both on tie-breaks. Don and Woody also shot low net while Cory finished just one stroke away. Tony required
the least amount of shots (low gross) to span the course. Woody was the only golfer to avoid all of the sand traps and water
hazards and also not lose a ball!
After the round, we retired to
the clubhouse and shared a last meal together before going our separate ways. The long journey home allowed time for inward
reflection on the day’s events, licking wounds, wringing hands and shaking heads. But, to no one’s surprise, we’ll
likely do it all over again sometime next Spring.
Tony Carpenito - 6 October
"We Shall Go 'Fore' Into The Wilderness"
On the fourth Tuesday of the fourth
month, an assortment of well-intentioned souls set forth into the wilderness to carry on the tradition known as the Saint
Mark’s golf outing. In the year of our Lord two thousand seven, this was indeed not the fourth but the fifth outing
to occur within the past four and twenty months. Much to the relief of those who would brave the undulating landscape spread
out before them, the early morning Spring weather cooperated yet again to allow for a very good day of golf.
The flora was sparse and the fauna
included the usual birdies and bogies and the occasional mummified lizard (on the fifth hole … you had to be there).
As was expected, the cry of the "fore!" could be heard above the din of the crickets and the frogs. The well-scattered clouds
frequently gave way to bursts of brilliant sunshine and gusts of blustery wind.
As for the golf, Mike Hume’s
foursome earned the best result of the day while the group including Don Anctil and Tony Carpenito finished one stroke off
the pace. Terry Downing, Cory and Jay Dupuis et al followed closely behind while the venerable quartet of Fr. Jim Craig, Roland
L’Homme (in spirit), Woody Martin and Tom Thelin, maintained its firm grip on the anchor position. Jay earned one of
the closest-to-the-pin awards by stopping his ball less than two feet from the 16th cup! Tony contributed the "Outstanding
Shot of the Day", landing his seventy-yard pitch shot out from of the woods to within ten inches of the 12th cup!
Before the round, all received
commemorative golf balls stamped with the words "WE SHALL GO ‘FORE’ INTO THE WILDERNESS". Each group was also
issued disposable cameras for their use during the day … the resulting photos will determine whether the cameras should
have been disposed of sooner rather than later. The post-golf festivities included a great meal, a funny golf book drawing
and other awards, including "Most Lost Balls Found" (twelve by Woody Martin) and "Biggest Divot" (courtesy of Fr. Jim). The
size of the excavation was never fully described which leads one to believe it might just have been of "biblical proportions"!
Tony Carpenito - 24 April
and Futility Have Their Own Rewards”
On the ninth morning of the
tenth month in the seventh year of the new millenium, our odd-numbered collection of linksters ventured forth into the western
wilderness. Upon arrival at our destination, the rugged hills of Winchendon GC,
these nine determined and formidable souls commenced Saint Mark’s sixth golf outing in the past thirty months.
The morning’s overcast
sky gave way to brilliant sunshine and the golfers reveled in their good fortune as the twice-rescheduled event did indeed
transpire on the best weather day of the week for it was the only non-rain day of the week.
We took full advantage of this near duplication of the fine weather experienced a year ago, enjoying the unseasonably
mild temperatures, bright sunshine, and trees displaying near peak autumn color.
In this setting, it was not
long before we were cast back to the cold harsh reality by the challenging terrain which caused extended forays into the surrounding
woods and painstakingly detailed examinations of leaf-covered fairways in search of stray dimpled spheres. The dismay of our ever changing and varied misfortunes did not overshadow our otherwise inconsistent and
commonplace display of golf prowess.
Supporting our overall level
of questionable expertise, we designed a system to recognize and reward honesty, humility and futility as well as the occasional
flash of brilliance. Not only would positive efforts, such as landing par-three
tee shots onto a green in close proximity to the hole, be cause for jubilation and the receipt of financial remuneration. Dubious results, such as landing golf balls in sand traps and launching balls into
the consuming vacuum of oblivion, would receive similar commendation.
Before the first divot was
excavated, golfers were issued sleeves of commemorative golf balls impressed with the words “WE SHALL GO ‘FORE’
INTO THE WILDERNESS” (actually leftovers from our previous outing). Fr.
Jim Craig, Rollie Gagne, Roland L’Homme and Woody Martin led our journey over the undulating tracts of land while Don
Anctil, Tony Carpenito, Terry Downing, Jay and Cory Dupuis attempted to keep pace. Many
boastful tales of success and wistful lamentations of failure were heard throughout the day and later in the clubhouse. Here is what we can put to paper ...
While the vast majority of
our par-three tee shots were rejected by the distant and diminutive greens, three golfers - Cory, Jay, and Tony – successfully
earned closest-to-pin honors. Cory (on a five-way tie-break) and Rollie won the
sand trap awards. Fr. Jim (on tie-break) and Jay earned the lost ball prizes
(insert subtle Christmas gift suggestion here)! Rollie and Cory were triumphant
in the short drive contest; Rollie far exceeding all expectations by propelling a ball an extraordinary twelve inches! Roland was declared the unanimous winner of the Early Bird Special and Woody found
the most lost balls (six in total - most of which had stopped rolling)! Don was
honored with the “Why Did The Golf Ball Cross The Road?” award and Rollie earned the Most Humorous Shot, also
to be known as the Hitchhiker Award, for placing a shot inside a groundskeeper’s vehicle.
Just six strokes separated
the entire group using the Callaway handicap system, as Jay and Terry took the low and high net prizes. Tony required the least amount of shots (low gross) to span the course; only one stroke less than Don’s
total. While everyone lost at least one ball during the course of the day, Fr.
Jim was the only golfer to avoid all of the sand traps! Finally, as if to pay
homage to the upcoming winter season, we spent a lot more time building our twenty-one snowmen (8’s) than we did fashioning
our nineteen pars!
After the round, we retired to the clubhouse
to share one last meal together before the long journey home. As noted before,
the trash talk was abundant and the excuses were many. All agreed that the overwhelming
promise of future success might be exemplified by the simple phrase: “Wait ‘Til Next Year”!
Tony Carpenito - 10 October 2007
"The Cup Will Not Be Runneth Over!"
Thank you to everyone who came out for Saint Mark's Spring 2008 Golf Outing. We broke our record for number of participants, everyone had a great time, and the weather was awesome!
What a day it was! The first ball was launched
around 9AM on a beautiful mid-April morning (mid-60 degrees and mostly sunny) and the last putt was sunk before 3PM in even
better conditions (mid-80’s and total sunshine)! In all, a Saint Mark’s
record twenty-seven golfers teed off at the Woods of Westminster, reaching a whole new level of cumulative self-inflicted
pain and group suffering. Thirteen golfers were first-time participants in the
outing (obviously no one had warned them) and, for the first time, our numbers included an all-ladies foursome!
As usual, with our four-person scramble format, some groups came in under par (once again
proving that it really does take four attempts to produce one decent golf shot). Mike
Hume's group won the low gross award while Jay Dupuis' and Tony Carpenito's foursomes finished just one stroke behind. The Downing-Anctil collective won the mid-point gross award by finishing just two
strokes further back.
The next group in set a new Saint Mark’s golf record of great distinction –
Despite the handicap of having only three golfers in their group, Herschel Jones, Roland L’Homme and Tom Thelin accomplished
the rare feat of finishing with an 18-hole score below their group’s average age!
By cost-effectively getting the most shots per dollar, Dayna Hume and Lynn Jones’ distaff quartet outdistanced
the unofficial startup firm of Craig, Craig, Craig and Martin for the high gross award.
Herschel Jones won a closest-to-the-pin award for his fine shot on the 16th
hole. All told, there were two long drive and four closest-to-the-pin contests. The 6th hole CTP contest produced the unofficial outstanding shot of the
outing – a successful birdie putt of over twenty-one feet in length! While
a number of birdies and one eagle were observed on the course, one group claimed to have witnessed a wild turkey. As the feathered interloper strutted about, Fr. Jim reportedly commented that it must’ve known exactly
the safest location on the course - out on the fairway directly in front of them!
L’Homme won the Most Lost Balls Found award (coincidentally he just happened to be golfing in one of our last groups)! There were also awards issued for Biggest Divot (the question remains whether the
divot was twelve inches long or twelve inches deep) and Funniest Shot of the Day (the ball skipped three times across the
7th pond and landed safely on the other side). Woody Martin also had his ball "walk on water"!
the round, the golfers were each given some snack crackers, a small list of funny golf quotes, and a complimentary sleeve
of golf balls imprinted with the words “The Cup Will Not Be Runneth Over”!
Each foursome was also given a disposable camera to record the event for posterity (just in case no one believed us)!
In the clubhouse after the round, everyone received a framed updated version of "A Golfer's Psalm" with original background
At the end of the day, the big winner was Saint Mark’s with $395 of golfer donations
going towards our deficit reduction drive.
Tony Carpenito - 29 April 2008
Last Shall Be First"
a small, but motley, collection of Saint Mark’s parishioners and friends did descend upon a faraway, unsuspecting, and
previously tranquil, woodlands setting to practice the fine art of golf. And,
it remains well understood, that more practice will be required!
day of the tenth month began like many others … we woke up! We arrived at the course from various directions and
in various numbers, all ahead of schedule, and decidedly pooled our unspeakably humble and tremendous mathematical talents
to effortlessly coordinate our vast group into two whole foursomes. The first group to tee off included Fr. Jim Craig,
Terry Downing, Cory and Jason Dupuis. Pushing them along were Tony Carpenito, Herschel Jones and friends John Horgan
and Al Membrino.
a beautiful day it was! We enjoyed our start in cool, crisp, sunny weather, and
had no pressure to play well! This time, most of the prize money awards were
for golfing badly! Not surprisingly, this “golfing badly”, of course,
came very easy to us.
to thrive in this brave new world of bizarre golf rules, garnering awards for most shots out of sand traps, most penalty strokes
earned, and most adventurous 18 holes of golf. John carved out the biggest divot
while Jay retrieved the most stray golf balls (not lost by him and not still rolling).
Fr. Jim experienced the quickest walk to any tee shot as well as the most circuitous putting route on one green. In all fairness, let it be written here that several greens were severely sloped
and many flagsticks were sadistically located! Tony was designated as having
had the most shots out of the woods (on a gentlemen’s verbal tie-break). Terry
had the least eventful round, apparently never officially getting into trouble, and was also nominated as the best-dressed
our best efforts to the contrary, there were some positive results. Herschel
took the lowest number of shots to get around the course - five less than Jay or Tony – while Cory, Herschel and John
earned closest-to-the pin awards. Our hosts held us in such high regard that
they closed the grillroom before we could order lunch, so we relocated to a finer establishment down the road.
Later, with our hunger
diminished and our minds cleared, in a final gesture of humanity before our departure, we unanimously agreed to donate our
entire winnings to the Beacon of Hope. It was a great day indeed!
Tony Carpenito - 10
"Let He Who Is Without Bogey
There was great anticipation
and anxiety leading up to the morning of our fifth annual spring golf outing. The weather forecast showed little promise
for favorable conditions. Twenty-two hearty souls ignored the gloom and ventured bravely into the mist. Their
faith was rewarded with a fortuitous delay in the start of the inevitable deluge. We all finished our tour before the
golf course was transformed into a water theme park. A drop or two of rain may have fallen between the times when our
first dimpled sphere was launched and when the last was dropped into the final cup, but the “heavy stuff” waited
until we were safe inside the clubhouse.
To help remember this day, the
golfers were each given a sleeve of golf balls and a commemorative plaque containing the words “Let He Who Is Without
Bogey Among You Throw The First Club”. Each sleeve included inside a list of humorous golf quotes to lighten the
mood, if needed. Golfers were also given keepsake bracelets impressed with “G.O.L.F. - God Offers Love and Forgiveness”.
Many individuals distinguished
themselves with impressive, or otherwise memorable, performances and efforts. One found over two dozen lost balls that
were neither moving nor his own. Another excavated the largest divot of the day that measured nearly a foot in length.
Awards were earned for four closest-to-the-pin shots as well the men’s and ladies’ longest drives. The winning
distances for the CTPs ranged from seven feet to forty-one feet away from their respective pins. Worthy of mention,
but not of an award, was the shortest drive … all of two inches!
The funniest shots of the day
included one golfer taking an unexpected seat on the wet turf after attempting to perform a “Happy Gilmore” type
running tee shot. Another tee shot finished about thirteen feet from the cup, after hitting a railroad tie, just missing
the CTP award for that hole by four inches. Another golfer’s shot nearly struck a wandering goose for a very different
type of birdie (some recall this golfer having had similar run-ins with wild turkeys)! We may never know the full details
of another candidate “funniest shot” because the golfer involved was either too humble or too embarrassed to offer
The team scramble results were
equally impressive. Despite the sporadically heavy fog and frequently mucky grounds, one foursome managed eleven birdies
and seven pars to earn the low gross award. The high gross team admirably completed as many birdies as bogies to finish
at exactly par for the course. Another team scored the only eagle hole for the day!
Our overall dedication to the
event of the day was highlighted by the fact that apparently, due to the weather, we were the only golfers on the course!
The golfers’ generosity shined through the dim weather as Saint Mark’s received $350 in golfer donations going
towards our deficit reduction.
Tony Carpenito – 26 April
The Last Shall Be
First Again And Again
On the morning of
the sixth day in the tenth month of the ninth year in the present millennium, surely there was reason to be carefree and thankful. Maybe, somewhere, an unfortunate soul was shedding tears of longing and despair ...
for passing on the opportunity to join the celebration unfolding before them ... wishing to now magically reverse an earlier
and tragic decision to stay behind and spontaneously reunite with his linkster brethren.
Nay, but where they were, there was not a foul thought of regret among them.
For indeed, it was autumn in New England and they were golfing! It just couldn’t get any better than it would be on this day …
In this latest of
adventures, they were unquestionably prepared to reap the benefits of several ground-breaking, unorthodox, and heretical rules
that would sacrilegiously reward otherwise undeserving strokes and wayward shots with tangible cash remuneration. Heretofore pitiful efforts such as launching struck balls into ponds and rivers, burying said spheroids
deep within the sands, or targeting the trunks and boughs of the forest, would now be cause to rejoice on this extraordinary
day. Losing balls during the course of the play would have a positive return
in later compensation. So too would creating a strong breeze with the complete
miss of an intended swing. One skillful effort would be rewarded still …
that of the shots closest to the pin. Nevertheless, many times over, the last
would most certainly be first again and again.
Fourteen strong set
out to scour the countryside and lay waste to the green fairways en route to the mythical nineteenth hole. The group split into clusters of three and four to embark on the journey.
Fr. Jim Craig, Cory Dupuis and Woody Martin led the charge into the wilderness and was trailed closely by Don Anctil,
Jason Dupuis and Terry Downing. Herschel Jones and friends John Horgan, Pete
Christianson and Tom Gammell pushed forward ahead of Tony Carpenito and friends Henry Doherty, Tom Damon and Paul Nebosky.
None displaced more
water than Paul the Aquaman and none sent astray more balls than Tom G. the Outward Bound.
None blasted more bunkers than Fr. Jim, Paul, and Woody the Sandman. Cory
the Lumberjack hit the most trees while Jason the Windmill executed a perfect whiff.
Woody the Marksman twice landed his ball closest to the pin, a feat each singly achieved by Jason, John and Pete. Woody the Finder-Keeper, he of many talents on this day, gathered the most found balls. The day’s most remarkable comeback effort was Paul’s par 7th recovered
from a 200-yard tee shot cart strike. And, because one of Tony’s four putts
on the 16th came from the tall grass, the mantle of the Green Hornet was left silent and unclaimed.
At the end, some so
honored may have felt undeserving of their dubious winnings. In a nearly unanimous display of selflessness, or guilt, nine
tenths of the cash awards was returned and combined as a bulk donation to Saint Mark’s.
One who did not partake in this gesture later found his chariot dead in the parking lot. Was this coincidence or Divine Influence? That may be a story
for another day …
Tony Carpenito – 6 October
"Seek And You Will Find Me"
A fortunate break in the ever-changing
New England weather provided a positive outlook for the morning of our sixth annual spring golf outing. Fourteen woodland
explorers, exhibiting various levels of personal sartorial splendor, from coats and heavy sweaters to Bermuda shorts and cutoffs,
ventured forth into the valley of the first hole.
Many individuals distinguished
themselves with impressive, or otherwise memorable, performances and efforts. One found twenty lost balls that were neither
moving nor his own. Awards were earned for four closest-to-the-pin shots as well the longest drive. Although rumors circulated
regarding several candidate moments of infamy, no one dared to describe his particular mishap in order to rightly earn the
ultimate "funniest shot of the day" award!
The team scramble results were
equally impressive. Three groups managed one eagle each. All told, twenty-one birdies were hatched and, unbelievably, not
one club was lost during the day’s proceedings!
All were each given sleeves of
golf balls and commemorative plaques containing the words "Seek And You Will Find Me". Within each sleeve could be found a
page of humorous golf drawings included to distract the golfers during their respective adventures.
In the end, all emerged relatively
unscathed from their hours-long journey into the unknown on that cold, but sunny, early spring day! The golfers’ enduring
generosity shined through as many donated their winnings to Saint Mark’s.
Tony Carpenito – 16 April
The Last Shall Be First Once Again
It was a cold and damp early October
morn. We set out in weather more suited to the dreary Scottish landscapes described in tales long since told.
But it was autumn in New England and we were golfing indeed!
Several unusual rules were set
in place for our latest adventure. Wayward ball strikes, that might normally attract severe penalties, would draw tangible
rewards. Pitiful efforts such as steering golf balls into ponds, rivers, bunkers and trees, off the course property,
otherwise losing said balls, or completely missing intended swings, as well as putting to excess, would gain positive returns
in cash remuneration. One show of skill would be rewarded nonetheless … landing teed balls closest to the pins.
Many times over, the last would certainly be first once again.
Our seven strong set out to lay
waste upon the green fairways as we passed over the countryside. We split into groups of three and four to embark on
our journey. Herschel Jones, with friends John Horgan and Al Membrino, led the charge into the wilderness followed closely
by Mike and Tony Carpenito, Jason Dupuis and friend Matt Peloquin.
On this day, Jason and Mike each
landed a ball on the green closest to the flagstick, on the 5th and 18th holes, respectively. Mike earned the Lumberjack
Award on a coin toss tiebreaker over Matt and also took the Green Hornet Award outright. Matt secured the Outward Bound
and Windmill Awards with no tiebreaks necessary. Jason netted the Aquaman Award on a tiebreak over Herschel while Tony
scooped up the Sandman Award on a tiebreak over Al. Herschel gathered the Finders Keepers Award. The Big Dig Award
stood unclaimed as no divot was excavated in a size worthy of note. Winners, one and all!
In the end, we so honored may have
felt undeserving of our dubious winnings. In a unanimous display of selflessness, or guilt, all of the cash awards were
returned and combined as a bulk donation to Saint Mark’s in celebration of not one umbrella being opened during the
day … just another great day for golf!
Tony Carpenito - 5 October 2010